Friday, November 27, 2009

Connecting Laptop To Roadrunner

37- Voyager

"State Route 66 along with your scooter for Ringo, when suddenly a sixteenth century golden cross chased by a huge bird eyes so big and so red and the red tail lights seem to Alfa Arna 1984. At first determined that it could be the infamous Men's moth (with conjunctivitis), who has been terrorizing the American motorists following them for long stretches of highway in a threatening and bad breath permanently.
According to your intuition, but may also be one of those nice barn with 200 kilograms of fine dust and dandruff greedy man. "

seize Inside the car for a moment looked troubled presenter Roberto Giacobbo busy sow the filthy beast and simultaneously read the letters arrived in the newsroom. The presenter of your favorite program is in danger! Get in the action using: a comb, a bit 'of your "wet" day and a trained buffalo.
































Tommylovechucknorris: Very embarrassing situation. I usually like the best roads to Route 66, travel with my own Ferrari Testarossa. But unfortunately it was the mechanic, and then the only reason why I'm walking this road, it's because I have to go take my buffalo trained to look for work. But suddenly, I see beside me a golden sixteenth chased by a strange bird. At first I think I let it go, but then I recognize the one who is driving the car: Robert Jacob, the conductor of Voyager, my favorite program. I have to save him, if I want to keep intact my program on Monday evening. Knowing that the Hawks are big eaters of fine dust and human dandruff, use a comb to remove un po' di forfora dai miei capelli e contemporaneamente appallottolo il mio umido di giornata per formare una pallina. Adesso cospargo la polpetta di forfora e di alcuni peli che ho preso dal mio bufalo e ne ottengo una polpetta che puzza di shampoo alle erbe e fango di palude. Mentre mi avvicino alla cinquecento, l'uccellaccio tenta di attaccarmi con delle beccate terribili, ma io le schivo e riesco a infilare la polpetta nel tubo di scarico. La polpetta viene sparata nella bocca dell'uccello, che si sazia con questa pallina alla forfora e fumi di scarico. Io e Roberto riusciamo a depistarlo, e a portarci in un luogo sicuro. Per ringraziarmi, Roberto convincerà la redazione di Voyager ad assumere il bufalo come curatore della rubrica "lettere da casa", visto che Roberto is now no longer able to read with all the commitments he has. (sent from Tommylovechucknorris)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Poem Asking For Money For A Birthday

36- Il nobel

"Are you the restaurant with friends and family to celebrate the recent victory of the Nobel Prize for chemistry, who was unanimously awarded through your latest invention, the saliva-flavored whipped cream and strawberries, when two heavily armed robbers burst into the room and began to rob everybody. Many men try everything to hide all the portfolios nell'arrosto turkey or vegetable broth, while women hurrying to swallow their jewelry studded with diamonds and silver cutlery in the restaurant. "

you have in your pocket only a spending bill of 1982, on which is recorded but the secret formula to transform dental plaque in M \u200b\u200b& M's and you have not already patented. It would be a huge loss, you have to react and quickly! Fortunately, on your table there are three objects that are particularly effective in situations like this: the gingerbread man, polenta and a bear's heart.






























Tommylovechucknorris: now I hide under the table with my family and I begin to think. Scrap immediately found the recipe to swallow, because maybe cagandola, it would become unreadable.
I can not even hide it in my clothes, you'll find immediately. I have nothing left to do but pull a few hairs on my friend's teddy bear and heart attacks on polenta that I was eating with my family. It comes alive and starts to run around the restaurant, devouring the persons present, but so much to me that I care. The robbers fired at the creature running out all the ammunition (and thus making the figure to be imbeciles, because they could escape with their loot).

I try to be a knife and the robbers tied up the polenta with advanced (so to me it sucked). To avoid giving it tames the creature to eat a gingerbread man, and while the launch of the monster, the man screams: "Wait, save me if I can express your desire." Whispered in his ear and now I get a Ferrari full of models, I will ascend above and, after giving the little man to monster, flee to 100 per hour. Tomorrow I'm going to patent my secret formula.
(Contributed by Tommylovechucknorris)

Friday, September 11, 2009

1999 Range Rover Spark Plug Wires

35- Il quiz (In onore del grande Mike)

"State participating in the version of" VIP "de" The Wheel of Fortune "with the Commissioner and the legendary Rex Mr. Denim, the man who should not ever ask for (and in fact is last), when to Suddenly the entire audience rises suddenly possessed by a demonic force and the cry of "Turn it, Turn it!" is launched against the valley, a former model, fresh Icelandic degree of specialization in "Advanced Siliconologia: no thank you I'd rather I do the third tit ", which takes refuge in the first place: a Citroen Diane all inclusive."

course of the valley do not you could care less, but the first prize was real reason for which you have agreed to participate in the quiz. You have to stop the public as soon as possible and to do that the announcer has bothered to run: TeleMike of the original poster, Pippo the Hippo incontinent and a glass of grappa (Yes, that!)





























Skhammy: What do ... the situation that is being created, is very embarrassing and difficult to resolve. In a moment of despair, accompanied by a thought "but who the hell 'is Mo'o ago'..." Seeking the 'energy, conviction and stupidity required to solve the problem, in the famous shot of Grappa, "is just that." The finish now, and realizing that is not enough, throw an ultrasonic whistle, which can be detected only by Rex model and the limited mental faculties despite the degree definitely get the professor to pulling chinotto cosmetic surgery, in which 'span of a nanosecond they approach me pending orders, having understood the tone of the call from the modulation of the whistle. I order another glass to the model (the one you own) che mi porta istantaneamente, avendo chiesto un passaggio a superman che era tra il pubblico, che a sua volta ha chiesto a Chuck Norris nasconto dietro le telecamere impegnato a soddisfare le donne della troupe, notoriamente più veloce di lui, ed al commissario rex di morsicare sui coglioni il sig. Denim, che mi è sempre stato sulla fava.

Ora che sono pronto, metto il poster di TeleMichele annodato al collo a mo' di superman, che rosica d' invidia essendo tra il pubblico, solo perchè il mio mantello è indubbiamente più bello e colorato del suo, ed a cavallo dell' ippopotamo bluazzurro, mi lancio tra la Diane e l' orda inferocità che gli si sta scalgiando contro ormai fuori dalla ragione. Come arrivo sulla loro traiettoria, si fermano, in un momento di smarrimento generale (ammettiamolo, un tipo incredibilmente geniale, a cavallo di un ippopotamo che sta pisciano in tutto lo studio, con mantellina svolazzante, non puo' lasciare indifferenti), momento di cui approfitto per scendere dalla mia cavalcatura, e mettendomi di schiena di fronte al pubblico, faccio sventolare la fatidica bandiera di Telemike. Il momento è solenne, le "casalinghe di Voghera immancabilmente presenti tra il pubblico, immediatamente riconoscono il potente simbolo irretitore di svariati giovedì sera della loro giovinezza, ricordano i primi momenti del loro matrimonio, e il gradito inebetimento che gli dava la trasmissione, come momento di riposo dalle pulizie concesso loro dal marito per guardare together what 'only, unmissable, exceptional event that the' man-presenter brought in their miserable homes and daily lives, and prostrate themselves in adoration in front of what 'idol votive immediately copied by the rest of the public trained as oxen, whose presence among effettivamene cows, white spotted black.

At that time, Chuck Norris, amused and amazed by the result of saying "you have been a good boy, not seen you down 'last episode of Walker Texas Ranger, in return for this hilarious interlude, I grant you a wish." In response to my request, the head of man 'Denim jumps off with a fast rotating football, as no one has ever served for advertising, look at him, recognizing that is so much better. Thank you Chuck Norris, I step on the recovery model and Diane, not before d 'to have grasped the bottle placed on a pedestal next to the machine (you just that!), I walk away and break through the scene with Diane, leaving the audience in prostrate a 'worship that could not even Giucas box, and you do not know until last, while breasted begins to fumble with the buttons of his trousers to show his gratitude, showing how he really used his intelligence quotient to' graduation examination . I walk away and then toward the sun, looking in the rearview mirror rex running after me, getting smaller in the mirror, wanting to have me as owner
(Contributed by Skhammy).

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Exercise Phentermine Heart Rate

34- Il lavoretto estivo

"Despite nearly forty years and already have tens of children around the world, your father will not stop to find odd jobs to do during the summer (and that is the only three weeks of vacation that gives you the foundation Phoenix): Last year you painted all the fences in the county of Hazard, the year before you have taught Russian in Francis the Talking Mule the year before that you sold cookware and mattresses with George Mastrota to be your supervisor.

This year we expect a job for ice cream in Pamplona. Of course you do not want to upset your old and so I procured a white t-shirt, a pair of white pants and a white Capellino Binarelli autographed by the magician during a course in Arkansas. Before leaving everything thrown in the washing machine with a compound of invention that will give your clothes a wonderful aroma of pistachio, you will certainly establish a new sales record. "


Unfortunately, one of your socks red tuxedo ends accidentally in the washer with the whites and the end of washing you find a complete blood red with the signature of the magician Binarelli written in relief on the cap. As always, time is running out and you decide to go that way, but when you arrive and get off the taxi you see that is San Fermin and is in the classic running of the bulls through the streets of Pamplona. This time is not easy, but fortunately for my life you can count on: a watermelon, a vuvuzela (trumpet so dear to the South African fans) and a sloth.







A- Tired, but still not willing to give grief to my father, I decided to immediately instruct the sloth, to 'Art of War. After ten minutes I am served, I reach a stand of the party, they recovered a red pepper to put on the backside to the AIS, to make them understand it must also move quickly. To which we put in front of the hall of bulls, which will soon arrive, I begin to play the African trumbalè which hypnotizes the participants in the festival of San Fermin, and, still playing, let the AIS has strategically guiding them one by one , a barrier to human pyramid with revelers hypnotized, right on the driveway cordoned prepared for the bulls. As soon as you start to hear the sound of hooves, call me the sloth, and stop the sound 5 seconds before the 'arrival of the oxen.

Together with the mascot we enjoy the spectacle of the barrier from the position lying on the ground beef, now rimbabita the clash, and we celebrate this' yet another incredible success, dined with a 'watermelon in the meantime we had put on ice. How many remains prepare a shack "STEAKS AND FRESH WATERMELON FROST, by Mark and Brad" and make money to give us a week's vacation in the city.
(Contributed by Skhammy)

B-Ah, the running of the bulls in Pamplona, \u200b\u200bhow many good memories. As a child I enjoyed put the horns on his head and chasing people and take a horn, but this time what will be taken to goring I will not if he thought of something immediately. But why do not I went to my father (who is 75 years old that no longer holds up) and I have not yelled at him, "Do you understand that I no longer '10 YEARS AND WORK GIA 'I have it ??????????? WATCH OUT FOR THAT an erupting volcano using only a Handkerchief, 5 MAGIC ICE CREAM AND A BALL NOT 'Child's Play MICA. THESE ARE THE ONLY 3 WEEKS TO LEAVE ME OUT OF THE PHOENIX ASSOCIATION AND NOT GRANTING ME NE 'OTHER. YOU UNDERSTAND ????????????????????????????????". There is only one reason for what I do: it is my Dad and a huge part of my perception, I owe to him.

Returning to the present. In issuing a special ultrasound with my vuvuzela, I can call me Francis the Talking Mule, I say to distract the bulls and that's if you do give in exchange for a juicy watermelon. Aprofitto of this small time to remove all the seeds watermelon (without opening it as I taught my friend Chuck Norris) and put them into vuvuzela that will put into the mouth of Sloth and turn it into a machine gun. I will use this gun to eliminate the bulls. After the Spaniards to forgive me, will organize a concert with the AIS where I'll play with my vuvuzela "Chocolate Ice Cream" Pupo and with great success (especially advertising for my ice cream).
(Contributed by Tommylovechucknorris)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Vascular Diamentia And Sleep

33 - La spiaggia

CONDITIONS SENT TO THOMAS! THANKS!

"You're at the beach with your friend Tito (who still owes you a favor when you saved the Boss Claw, who had decided to discontinue his pursuit of Inspector Gadget), which on this occasion he wore a costume that you yourself have built with a rubber band and the constellation of the scales.
You look around and notice the beach many celebrities like the bad copy of Botticelli's Venus, a guy dressed as Geronimo Stilton (the mouse who writes the books), the double of Charlie Chaplin who came first and the dancers at the famous spot of parmesan cheese (the one that makes pa-pa-pa pa parmigiano re re-re-re-re-re-Reggiano).

rummaging in the bag that contains everything you need (towels, jackets Tito for the poor who can not swim, but deflated because we need is another that you please, mussels for lunch, to defuse a nuclear missile to pass the time during tanning), but you realize with horror that you forgot sunscreen to avoid sunburn. Hundreds of feet of hot sand separating you from civilization and the center of tanning, as always you have to arraggiare "


To obtain the coveted cream, in addition to the items listed above, you can serve only your talent and these objects that you found on the beach: a 500 lire coin, two Bengal tigers (white) and monkfish.




























A- Alas! This situation is very complex and if you do not come out in danger of ruining my beautiful skin. And then tomorrow I have to participate in the Mr. Universe contest, with a cracked skin not win for sure. Anyway 'nuff said! I have an hour to get that cream, the time is up you can call me "without the skin." I try to apply the cream, but no one pays me. With a furtive movement
I can approppiarmi glasses the fake Geronimo Stilton.

amplifying the heat of the sun with the lens can dissolve the 500-lire coin. The model in the shape of bracelet that then do the nasty Venus in exchange for its shell (shell to say why it is actually a codpiece). I take one of the two halves of the shell and break to form sharp shards that jet near the foot of the dancers "Parmigiano Reggiano". I call the dancers, saying well-ballads as well as the Gianluca GF9 is good to sing "Blue." They are approaching, but angry not aware of shards and start to jump in pain. He approached a crowd interested start paying to see the new dance of the summer and I collect the money (they could always serve) with the other valve of the shell.
Now I only have half an hour, the 2tigri, monkfish and a valve of a shell that contains $ 150,000 collected by the dance of the dancers that I have dubbed "MacGyver Dance 2.0".

I break the valve and get a razor with which the fur of rare Bengal tigers with a sleeping pill to calm down while I extracted from anglerfish. With this confenziono a fur coat to do a Charlie Chaplin impersonator in exchange for his trick. With the makeup of the valve and the remains of a shell, disguised tigers by two singers, I disguise from Morgan and utter the following sentence "I found two young talents, you hear them sing?" frighten bathers fleeing e io potrò usare le loro creme. In quanto a Tito, ho trovato il modo con cui si può sdebitare: darà da mangiare alle tigri. Voi vi chiederete con che cosa e io vi dirò solo che non sentiremo più parlare di lui.
(inviata da Tommylovechucknorris)

B- Beh.. sicuramente devo trovare il modo per diminuire l'impatto dei raggi uva sulla mia pelle. Dono al sosia di chaplin le mie 500 lire convincendolo che siamo ancora negli anni 90. Per farlo ingaggio una gara di Lambada con i ballerini del parmigiano reggiano. Commosso, chaplin mi chiede cosa può fare per meritarsi questa luccicante moneta. Con l'aria di chi non chiede un favore, faccio intendere che gradirei una granita fredda. Il buon chaplin si dirige di consequenza verso il vicino banchino dei gelati.

Intanto inizio a triturare finemente la coda di rospo e ne creo una poltiglia densa sotto la supervisione di stilton che come tutti sappiamo è un ottimo trituratore di code di rospo.
Si iniziano a sentire delle grida dal banchino dei gelati. Chaplin infatti, insiste di voler pagare la granita 300 lire. Ne viene fuori una colluttazione dove il gelataio rimane ucciso e chaplin scappa con il bottino lasciando però sulla spiaggia un bel bicchierone di granita fresca.
Prendo la granita la mischio con la coda di rospo, e la faccio bere alle due tigri. Prima della reazione ho solo 7 minuti.prendo la bomba atomica e imposto il timer. L'intruglio sta facendo effetto. le due tigri begin to powerfully shit shit and gas. shit and gas. po po po po .. gas gas gas gas only. FSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS the time has come! assure the atomic bomb to the back of tigers. with a lighter and light it up their asses. The two tigers started as a missile target: Sun

10 minutes after an explosion on the stratosphere creates a pall of smoke that significantly reduces UV rays, although they told me that on that beach the seagulls have 3 heads now. However finalemnte can sunbathe in peace.
(Contributed by RabbercioRum)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Japanese Tattoo Generator

32- Chuck Norris

"Chuck Norris wants you as an extra in an episode of Walker Texas Rangers and made you have the script at home, safe that in the name of the ancient friendship which binds you do not decline the invitation. Law, while distracted by the technical comments of Miss Wet T-shirt 2009, you realize that the party is rather difficult and dangerous: you have to play the brother of Cordell Walker who died in Viet-nam during an exotic holiday in 1941.
According to the script, the famous Ranger starring Chuck Norris does not recognize at first (many years have passed since I put his fingers in the eyes) and even swap you for one of the brothers Dalton Lucky Luke and fills the barrel. Only after a short but painful (you have no stand-in) hospital course good ranger will understand who you are (how you hold the jug of beer) and welcomes you to his family, permettendovi di guidare qualche volta il suo pick-up, ma solo sul vialetto di casa. Nel finale di puntata, in un simpatico siparietto, il ranger Trivette perderà sei denti per dimostrare che il vostro calcio rotante è senza dubbio inferiore a quello dell’amico Walker."


Ovviamente siete preoccupati, vorreste volatilizzarvi, ma non potete (non quando avete a che fare con Chuck Norris!), l’unica cosa che potete fare è modificare il copione creando dei diversivi ad hoc durante la diretta della puntata (sono in diretta vero? :)). Per farlo avete bisogno di tre oggetti di sicuro effetto: un cappello di paglia, un piatto di stufato di stambecco e un simpatico opossum.






































A- It is hard ... mooooolto dura... immediatamente penso al daffarsi. Cercare di impressionare Chuck Norris dicendogli "Hey ragazzo, tu sarai anche Chuck Norris, ma io sono McGyver !". ... no no ... questa no, direi che mi varebbe un calcio rotante in bocca. Ma io sono pur sempre Mc Gyver, e con gli oggetti a disposizione ho gia pensato a come sistemar capra e cavoli. Col mio iper-tecnosuper-cazzolato-spia-detector, sbircio dalla distanza nel diario di Chuck Norris, e scopro quanto avevo sperato ! Scopro che il primo rapposto sessuale dell' attore, è stato all' età di 6 anni, mentre rincorreva il suo opossum fuggito, grazie ad una bella contadina intenta a preparare il pranzo all' aperto. Io con semplicissima mossa, non ho fatto altro che accettare il copione, se nonchè to 'start shooting,' s agreement with the crew, director, and Trivette, we did find a chair near the opossum Chuck, who just the 'saw tried to take him to stroke in memory of the good old infants. As expected, we did run the 'possum in the direction of Miss Universe who was wearing the straw hat, and has accepted Chuck Norris with a huge smile while caressing persos an ibex in the study.

Chuck Norris immediately struck in the memory, he forgot the script, got the girl, then cooked the ibex and finally prepared the stew that had the flavor of ancient times, only to return the girl, repeatedly, until we managed to finish the shooting bet. Result, Chuck Norris has not angry with me for the joke have, by permission of trying the pleasure of his nostalgic first time, Trivette owes me a favor to life for 6 teeth and I saved the 'no doubt have shown a taste' other times my superior skills
(sent from Skahmmy) .


B- begin! Definitely Chuck Norris sent me this script to kill in order to reiterate the fact that Chuck Norris has no friends. How to survive until the end of the episode? In the script there 'a note that tells me that if there were to be all that is written will come calciorotato. Panic! After a chamomile I start to think.

From the fact that exchanging for one of the Dalton brothers drum fills me conclude that Walker hates them, so a few minutes before the shoot I went to Chuck Norris and the Board to add a particular script (stating that it is the work of the authors, not his, then changed): to be more satisfied with the humiliation of his eternal enemy, the ranger arrest me on charges of being an anti-ChuckNorrista, ensuring their survival at least until the hospital scene ( to arrest me I must stay alive, no?). Furthermore, in the name of friendship that prompted me to accept the script, I ask that in the scene where Chuck Norris is in the hospital to give me another pair of kicks I be served my favorite dish, a stew of wild goat, so let me go through and ask for a beer to swallow the boccone.Chuck Norris agrees, a little 'sorry to not have to calciorotare (believed I was there to reject that part).

started shooting, but I immediately rises a question: how to make me stop? I see Chuck Norris then meet me and I understand: wear a different hat than the one ranger in his presence will surely be an act of heresy!
So I pull out a typical straw hat from Vietnam that I find at hand and I put it in my head. Everything goes as planned. I am filled with barrels, but survive to be arrested. As I served stew stambeccofingo of choking: Walker promptly, to prevent my death from natural causes and not done for kicks rotating hands me his beer pocket one-liter (keeps it in his shirt pocket). Start to drink and be recognized as the brother of Walker.
While parking the pickup in the driveway after the tour, I remember one thing: Trivette must lose six teeth! What to do?

Walker propose to make us a beer: he puts the leash Trivette and together we go to the bar. While we drink, I let go of the opossum, half dead with thirst for never having drunk when I picked up from its habitat. Obviously goes to the nearest glass of beer, my. I'll take it by the tail and threw it out the window. Trivette exclaims: "You're not his brother would have used a rotating football." In response, I make him drop the six teeth.
They say those who try to fool Chuck Norris to die before you even finish his last sentence, but obviously it is only a law
... (sent from Artemis_fowljr)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What To Write In The Wedding Weekend Welcome Bags

31- La sposa

"In a dark and stormy night you're drunk in a downtown bar in the company of some high school classmates (who have not seen for years because of your decision to stop with the studies and ninth grade), a tabby cat with problems of obesity and the club owner, Mr. Marrabbio, eventually marrying night time his caregiver Bergamo. You are now on their honeymoon in the south-east of Cambodia with the draft of Platinette that Russia still has your back, producing the monstrous sounds similar to those of the fingers of Mazinger Z in the closed door of a Fiat Ritmo. "

understand which is the right time to cut the rope, but as free from the grip without waking up the sweet wife? the firm (as always, on the other hand) is difficult, but fortunately did not ever go to bed: two cups of milk, two lollipop shaped like a heart and a wooden barrel from the top-secret contents.












































A- my best to explain plan will have to reveal the contents of the cask. Inside Samantha is a beautiful Brazilian girl 1.80 m high is grim with me as a young student of my school of survival "How do I live with a knife." Meanwhile, I do slip into the barrel using the whale milk glasses, Samantha, warm, mouth, lollipops (and for a strange reason I could not concentrate well) that will serve to weld the cap from the barrel will go overboard with the destination: the south pole. For the rest I managed to free himself with the divorce by a court of the place, seeing, especially that thing, everything, I accepted the request and he immediately tried blaming my wife that I now have to shell out € 1500 month by the South African Emergency Base (located just to the south pole). For the rest of the journey I have made merry with Samantha (I'll bring photos). (Contributed by dodisnake)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Farm Lessons Comic

30- L'asciugacapelli

"You're coming home when you remember that San Rascal and is therefore the name day your trust raccoon, among other things that bear a direct descendant of the homonymous sowed death and destruction in an animated cartoon of the 80s. They had promised a new hair dryer in active ions to eliminate once and for all the electricity on his coat and allow it to return safely to bathe in the beloved Mississippi River without dying electrocuted. Unfortunately, there are forgotten and it is damn late: the stores are all closed, the model you got for Christmas is not the caretaker of that type and also have modified it to him to receive free pay-TV and you can not go home on the sly because Rascal has heard up. "

There remains only one solution: build an instantly. In the dashboard of the car you have (obviously) some items that are for you: your cell phone, a globe and a large fig tree.

























A- Indeed Rascal has a point. .. I have disappointed once when I promised that special waxing kits that but then I had to use to clear a quarter of the Amazon ... it was so bad! Ok, then get to work!

Unroll the globe with ease, and then attack Japan with three carroarmatini from Kamchatka. This allows me to take a card: Draw the gun. Bob Marley now just gives me one of his, but I have other things to think and take a classic that will be my hairdryer. Now I just have to make shots instead of active ions explosive balls (which is also very active ones) in these effects would lead to some burning on the surface of Rascal ... as well as dust, of course. I am now an idea: my phone has a lithium battery and lithium ion battery is one! Then I open the phone, and untap the battery to the battery (which as everyone knows is a liquid, this market also without sugar) into the seat inside the cannon. Then I position the lock-screen keyboard of the mobile phone connected to the fuse, so you have an interface for selecting programs. I enter the T9 to make software more flexible.

Now I just need a mechanism of power: Rascal does not smoke so never has the lighter in his pocket. Look what I have left in a rucksack and a large fig tree known now: I can be me, because what I have before me is actually a mirror. The curved face so that the light converge at a single point on the fuse, which will reach temperatures solar. In this way each time the appliance will result in an increase in global temperature of 0.1 degrees, but the lighting of the fuse and the resulting explosion of active ions, according to the selected program, wipe the surface of Rascal and all beings in the path of 6 km radius for finish the job, position the gun-dryer on the pedestal of the globe, so as to obtain an ergonomic and comfortable.
then I start at home, proud of my 53 kg of active ion hair dryer!
(Contributed by Giovane_skywalker)


B-Son them that I'm thinking about how desperately not to disappoint my beloved teddy bear, I think you think, not knowing which way to turn now to the limit stress, = = Crack, slibera me and suddenly lucid mind, and I distinctly remember what I was hideously fucking on the 'bear the carton 80. With that 'odious and insipid canzononcina "... comes Rascal, the' my friend ...".

My face suddenly changed expression, an evil sogghignetto appears on the lip on the right side, rather than by facial hemiparesis Stallone, and increases as I begin to think about how to finally make him pay for all those afternoons robbed a young age, Mazinga Jeeg and healthy as cartoons, which were to give way to those 'filthy sheets. Return to the home, and I say to the nice teddy bear "Hello beautiful!, You know I have said, now there 's a New to dry the fur of raccoons. "I explain to the mouse-shaped hairy bear fake microplantigradi dishwasher only for the new system is in 'drying hair naturally. Then I convinced to go up (hiding his devilish grin) on the world map, which attached to the wall, not on the table height allows him to run in place to dry, and say that before I put a fig tree as a reward for hard work, to catch an athletic leap as soon as you feel dry .
As he begins to run, in a creative impetus, and in fact in a flash, the drive behind the seat, height globe, the mobile phone with the 'antenna in the direction of "der ass Bucio, a carpet of nails tips pointing towards the 'high around the globe and the fig tree, and a small direct current motor connected to the spinning globe, which will continue to run it. I look at him and finally revealing my satisfied smile slyly, I say 'm' you broke my dick for years?, Emmo nottatina you take a nice stroke. Tomorrow I turn.
While I move away then, I turn around, looked at him sorry I approached, I extract the shooting and agile 'lubricator for oiling the' metal bar running on the globe, whispering "emmi want to break the bales with mica'm creaking all night?".


away, laughing coarsely while I enjoy the feeling of waiting for all the tasty revenge 'adolescence.
(Contributed by Skhammy)

Land Surveying Clip Art

Messaggio di servizio

I'm back! Following technical and tactical and logistical problems back to update the blog with inexcusable delay ... I ask forgiveness from the loyal!

very soon the new situation to McGyver!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Endometriosis Right Side Pain

29- Il Grande Fratello

" During a long night at the disco have lifted a bit 'too much to drink ended up launching the" McGyver Dance "(which consists in lifting both elbows to the sky in an effort said to remove all the bulbs in the spotlights of the track and run them anyway) and what is worse, to the audition to participate in the Big Brother VIP. Now you are locked in a house of Malibù con il sosia ufficiale di Danny De Vito, i Jalisse, Roberto Sedigho, i falsi Bud Spencer e Terence Hill di quei film tarocchi che odiavate tanto da ragazzini, Frank Poncharello, Quattro bassotti e un danese, Oscar il super tele gattone e quel gran pezzo dell’Ubalda…
La compagnia è buona, il cibo è ottimo, la sauna funziona da Dio, ma vi manca qualcosa del mondo esterno, qualcosa che non avete potuto portare con voi, qualcosa che è rimasto sul vostro letto: Gustavo, l’orsetto di peluche che vi accompagna da sempre in tutte le vostre avventure.”

Naturalmente però, non ci state a perdere per abbandono, anche perché il montepremi è di un milione di euro, quindi the only solution is to embrace the poor taste to end the game as soon as possible and come out a winner. Thank goodness you have been sighted and you put in your suitcase: three rigatoni, a ball and chain and a pigeon.













A- So so so ... I am in a good situation at times, because I get paid for cazzofacere from morning till night, and sometimes very unpleasant, because the 'always be taken up by a multitude of cameras, which broadcast to all viewers my sharp wits to solve the problems, which could lead people to want to imitate, and threaten to overshadow my hunger for "self made an atomic bomb, too ...". Here then turning for home, choking my natural instinct, which is to invent something every day that modernization and more comfortable home, I am dismally to imitate the big brother of the beggars, and in turn begin to fornicate with 's Ubalda and the female voice of Jalisse. however, I get two sensational results. One is to arouse dopo la sana ed ovvia invidia, l' ammirazione di Poncharello, noto mandrillo da competizione. Però... è vero, manca ancora tanto alla chiusura del programma, e mi manca tantissimo il mio orsacchiotto, Gustavo, soprannominato dagli amici, Bisenzio, per via di quella vaga tendenza ad ubriacarsi con l' assenzio, e comincio a non sopportare il dovermi coricare sempre senza il suo profumo che mi ricorda l' infanzia e la mia mamma. Ed è allora così, che improvvisamente mi si forma chiaro in mente un piano per sostituirlo !

Sfruttando l' ormai stima di cui godo da tutti gli altri presenti nella casa, organizzo una bella spanzata a base di pasta che mi son portato da casa (132 Kg. per resistere all' eventuali famine). A dough is ready, use my tactical knowledge-theoretical and practical, to reduce in a saucepan, over low heat, a bit 'of pigeon droppings mixed with potato pile of' Ubaldo, fake nails with Bud and Terence, plus a fresh fava kindly offered by the production as a reward for my good heart, of sharing with others my food supplies, a sleeping pill anesthetic, which will pour into the pot of good Danny DeVito. And with the same ingredients, but a special technique of processing, a filter 's love to be placed in the pot of' Ubaldo. After the meal, the 'Ubalda excited by the filter, launches into a dancing half-naked in front of everyone, arousing the desires of the good Poncharello, who pounced on him again, starting fornicate in the eyes of all who are immediately distracted by the scene, that between the 'other' s Ubalda, it means taking a pigeon with one stone. At that moment, I approach DeVito, helpless and nulal responsive thanks to my preparation, and with a ball and chain, the port in the secret room that no one knows, no one has anything to say against it. At the end of the meal, I get the result of 'you are all happy with a full belly, happy because I all convionto that DeVito had fled for he felt homesick, so' s not having a competitor, el 'actor chains in the lean secret, which is the closest thing to Gustavo present in the house, I go every night to embrace Before 'going to sleep. Now that I solved the lack of "Bisenzio," nothing more can 'stop on my way to victory. Goulash goulash! (Contributed by Skhammy slightly modified)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Male Beanie Knitting Pattern

28- Lo yacht

"You have been invited to spend a weekend in the company of a famous film director and the red light of his wonderful actress on board of internationally renowned of one hundred fifty-six meters anchored his yacht off the coast of the Persian Gulf. One day prior to departure you go right in a beauty salon for the preparation of the case and to make you a nice tan total, guaranteed 24 months at zero rate of burns. Unfortunately, however, have not come to terms with the APR which happens to be 91% and at the end of the treatment results of a fluorescent orange bar reflectors. Not bad you spread two layers of virgin beeswax and a few hours later, a helicopter will download on the bow of the luxury yacht ".

soon as you get an arm raised in greeting and to attract the attention of the pupae of the great director, but from an American bomber exchange yours for a signal and an aircraft carrier to the yacht and prepare you for landing. The weekend is at risk and also the life of your favorite director: You must act! Fortunately, in case you have brought three objects of utility unexpected: a bottle chamomile shampoo, an ultrasonic whistle and a handful of black peppercorns.




















A- quite surprised and annoyed at the same time the unfortunate misunderstanding that is being created, I begin to think, as fast as my superior intellectual faculties permit, how to resolve the situation. Unfortunately, the thinking is clouded by looking good girls awaiting my arrival (in all senses), and then, with a fit of nerves around me, fixed the aircraft that is moving ever closer to ruin the weekend by most wanted men, with a frown and decided to jump the girls, taking an ultrasonic whistle. The invitation to whistle, with the force with which usually takes another kind of work, and promptly to the call, comes from an extremely rare species of duck flew across the Atlantic-Pacific-golfese, which suffered under my orders placed with cold eyes and precise, I sollvano on their backs in flight, taking me behind the aircraft. While

gestured to move away from the pilot area, so I mistook for enemy east, since the color I wear. turns around, I bit, and start a fight between his machine guns and peppercorns mine. Then, moving with feline, in fact, bird, I wear my helpers to fly in front of the cabin of the 'apparatus, and produces a flip, just view the models on the yacht, I launch the driver against the sun to him, thinking (Knights Zodiac, burst d 'envy) and after shouting "If you're not afraid of this power, (pointing to my member giallissimo striped orange, which is now perfectly covers the sun, making it even more brilliant) fight," followed by a "criminal attack, energy !, Background of the glass 'cockpit, sprinkling the shield of the enemy with the shampoo Camomila, making it impossible to view, makes him lose control of the vehicle, leading him to fall. While the' plane falls, I am blown out by 'cabin, going to a dive in pike produrmi to 182 spins, (so I have time) targeting the sea side of the' boat. A meta percosro hear a voice in the distance, more or less where the driver is falling, that sounds like "Maaaathleyyyy ... qualcooosaaaaaaaa ago ...

heedless of the fact, I produce a perfect dive in without splashing, that the entire crew exhibits signs of vote 10.
went up to the yacht, showed me around My color to the girls, now lost for my wonderful performance, which I immediately approaching adoration. At that moment, seeing the scene the director asks me "How about turning the whole, with the addition of the final sex scene, and produce a movie called" Mc, the amazing adventures of the little tiger in the Persian Gulf? "I, looking lashing, hugged the two girls at my side, I print a kiss on the neck to the two and then watching the film straight into my eyes, I produce a "Sure, no problem"
(Contributed by Skhammy)

B - Use shampoo with chamomile to prepare a concentrate with black pepper, a bottle of shampoo, half of grains in my possession and a couple of drops of beeswax that picks out of my skin. We plunge into the whistle and make a very large bubble, thanks to the properties of the pepper is very strong. We incorporates into the fighter who is being dragged away by the notorious Gulf Stream, in his beautiful bubble. With the remaining grains prepare a mixture of pepper, which spread on wax which are scattered, it will give me a touch spicy but sweet, making me irresistible ... The night is young! (Contributed by Rok)

C- grab my thick hair and squeeze, recovering about one liter of beeswax that I had sprinkled a few hours ago. The hair, however, I have become dry and, afraid of losing all my sex appeal, I make a chamomile shampoo and now I'm finally ready to take care of the plane. I take the whistle and the sound of the desperate barking from the hold appear immediately and friends of the boys .. Man, dogs worse than I could find! Now jump over the bridge and begins to dance the choreography by Steve Lachance, and is a show that frankly can not stand. At that point, with my trusty boxcutter finely crushed pepper, and add the beeswax and a little chamomile shampoo, I start getting an explosive mixture of petrol bombs at once as a kind of unfortunate.

The explosion projects them into the sea about a hundred meters from the yacht, and, in sign language that she taught me to Daniel Day Lewis festival of salami of Varzi, I barely have time to notify the pilot of the bomber's target to change the landing, sending him crashing Amici.Ora rightly against children that the danger is escaped, and I find myself surrounded by beautiful actresses and willing, I realize I have advanced quite a bit of beeswax, for sure I know how tease out their fantasies .. eh eh .. I'm going to polish the floor a little on the foredeck, I read about people Motors that women go crazy for the man of the house. (Contributed by Cervelloinferie)

Slazenger Jack Nicholas

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stay At Fragrance Hotel Singapore

27- Il pongo

" The minions of an allegedly unscrupulous businessmen keep you locked in the toilets of a motorway are convinced that you are in possession of some very sensitive information. to force them to speak have clogged exhaust systems with thousands of phone books to Rome and placed an explosive charge connected to a timer to septic highway called "Grand Canyon". They want the chemical composition of the pose and the secrets of its application in the construction of a single-seater formula. Of course you know by heart, because I ask is your creation, but in principle do not want to give in to criminals. "


Stalling singing some popular songs of the South Tyrol, while you take a nice hot shower, then prepared to escape thanks to some top secret knowledge obtained from the barcode on the box of donuts chocolate family (who always have with you ) and three abandoned objects in there to distract travelers: 5 cotton swabs, a pizza-sausage and peppers dentiera.



















Well A-Well it is not a new situation reminds me of the Mexican prison from which they escaped by digging a tunnel with his teeth like beavers. Here even more than I could use. First, soak the cotton swab with the pizza and tell it to capture the typical redness of that pizza. Tingo dentures red and then generate a deafening noise with a kick to spin (Nobody calling football rotating!) On the wall, and place the rack dyed red lying near me. The guard thought to be dead, come in, and lie down with my move kansas-city (it's an old trick but still works!). Donuts in my bar code is nothing but the coordinates of the body to be pressed simultaneously soggiocare to hypnotize a person to his own will. I apply the technique to guard gets out of his other friends by surprise.

When finished, send the call from the foreman to tell him (bluffing, but he does not know) that I tampered with the explosive and jump will only his discharge. In fact I have only diminished the explosive power by putting a dent in the circuit (after having removed the decay, thanks to knowledge gained from videotapes of "exploring the human body") and fit with cotton fiocs remaining, sending half short-circuited. While the foreman contact us smanetta wrong and everything blows up in the air, exploding only lists and clear the drains but thanks to my nerf. Finished everything I say with feigned sadly the wife of the head (most beautiful girl for the record) who sacrificed himself to give her a better life, and asked me to perform that task. I offer as a tribute to the donuts and her famously luscious desserts of this type, falls in love and go away together.
And even this is done, the pizza, I'll keep me because I do not throw anything away, it might come in handy the next time.
(Contributed by Fr3d3r! K)

B- So, while I let the 'water, I look at the little window, however, placed too high and with the usual side protection, not before that I had tied a donut under each foot, as usango tie the plastic packaging of each trick itself, to make a soft and quiet walking and not to understand the segregation that I'm moving to try to figure out how to escape. Unfortunately, filled donuts, just because it filled at every step fano rumore di sbrodolamento, molto simile ad una flatulenza posteriore, ed allora penso "perbacco, non ci avevo pensato, ora penseranno che ho problemi d' aerofagia", cosa che si rivela essere molto fortunata, perchè effettivamente i carcerieri, si allontanano un po' dallì ingresso, dandomi modo di muovermi con meno circospezione, nel caso faccia addirittura rumore. Getto un bombolone fuori dalla finestra, in attesa di un qualche animale che arrivi attirato dal profumo della golosità offerta. E non tarda ad arrivare sotto la finestra il solito cane affamato che gira tra i rifitui dell' autogrill, a prendere il dolcetto invitante. Io appena arrivato il quattrozampe, grazie ai miei studi in "linguistica animale, parlata e baciata", riesco a comunicare col cane, cui chiedo di raggruppare un gruppo di altri animali, di qualsiasi specie, spiegando di essere bloccato da bruti che vogliono farmi del male.

Quando il cane mi chiede cosa ci guadagna, rispondo che una specialità ancor più squisita del bombolone lo attende, lui e gli altri che riuscirà a portarmi, non appena sarò libero (vedasi pizza con salamino e peperoname). Il cane, ormai affamati e con lo stomaco aperto dal dolce, si mette subito all' opera, e recupera due cinciallegre, un lupo, due orsi grizzly (che casualmente abbondano intorno agli autogrill canadesi), e li convince a fare irruzione nel locale. Appena sento il trambusto esco, e mentre gli avventori fuggono tra grida generali, gli orsi hanno bloccato a terra i gorilla (pare na guerra tra bestie), il lupo finisce di mettere in fuga i dipendenti, e le cinciallegre stanno picchiettando orecchie e occhi dei malviventi, ridendo allegramente, appunto.Così libero d' agire, salto addosso ai due farabutti, li lego con le loro cinture uno con l' altro, e divido la pizza tra i miei aiutanti, contenti. Nel frattempo, dopo aver descarpato i due, inizio la tortura del solletico sotto i piedi, coi cotton-fiocc, per scoprire chi è il mandante dell' aggressione. Scoperto che è Mr. Didò, invidioso del mio fantastico prodotto, recupero la macchina, lasciando i miei nuovi amici di guardia, mentre mi allontano nel tramonto studiando un nuovo, ennesimo piano impossibile, to charge for the joke to Mr. Dido. (Contributed by Skhammy)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

2003 Gmc Yukon Check Engine Light Is On

26- L'oro blu

"While traditional bingo with relatives held each year as from December 30 to January 2 in the parking lot of Ikea Goteborg, your brother convinced you to accompany him to pick mushrooms in a thicket not far from his home, where he said: "There are some mushrooms ...." So this morning you got up at dawn and there are baskets in hand through thick woods accompanied among others by his faithful talking cat named scamp. At some point, however you came across a number of fungi inhabited by the little creatures blue stripped to the waist and your traveling companion went berserk, started screaming, "I will take you, take you, then, my brother here, I turn into gold and I will become rich, rich, rich." "

The idea of \u200b\u200bturning gold beings in white tights are not bad, but the fact that your brother will get rich thanks to you not like it much. Decide that the best thing is to make gold even your brother in law ( which also weighs a ton and a half) and used to do these three items you have for the case in the backpack: a pear, a donkey and a manger of Olympic target.










A-First I get rid of cat-in-law and saying that I have an attack of diarrhea explosive, and I'm going to get rid of the bush, but given the heavy Christmas Binge is better if you away x nn feel the smell ... So I go around the bushes of berries and position un'ingegnosissima puff-trap by digging a hole whose depth is eight inches on the ground, placed over the target, and as bait left on the ass of the manger ...
just hide behind the bushes that come the time zero curious little men ...
just arrived at the target, say, plastic on the donkey while Vanity salt x want to have a photo, the weight of small blue creatures will give the card of the target, so as to imprison them DEEP in the hole ...
Then I get out of the bushes to catch the Smurfs, using the basket that I had taken mushrooms xi .. At this point I headed to the mushroom-shaped houses, shouting loudly that I have seized all the Smurfs, and I want a ransom: the formula x transform living things into gold!
Papa Smurf, got a sense of responsibility, even to deliver his puffolini, comes out of his house, and I reveal the secret (A magic formula that secrecy can not write;)

Morale, just know the formula, x I take this opportunity to turn into gold all the smurfs, their houses and even the puff-berries on the bush ... then came the cat starts to meow Birba drawing attention ... "Poof!" he too turns to gold ... since I'm allergic to cat hair I could not resist ... + Collected all the gold in the basket, cover it with the target, so that my brother can not see it ... and going home with him, chatting of the + and - and why your cat has run away, but quiet that we find him safe at home ... here we go on the machine and transform it into pure gold with the famous incantation, after which descend into the city to one of those shops that buy gold now in cash, and sbologno smurfs, berries, mushrooms, and cat-in-law, but the negotiations do not go by my rules: transform also turns out that the seller of gold, and I have to x load in the car to go to another store "buy gold" ...
once you find a seller not stingy, I convert all the gold in grand sounding, step in the bank to pay them on my private account and I'm going home ... And to the question of my sister, "how did it go? Have taken something? " I say "Is your husband wanted to walk back the cat alone x try mushrooms ... I have not found, only a wild pear" and I celebrate the taste ... x
(Contributed from Samuel and slightly modified)

B- I understand now that my brother is crazy! it is true, the question of talking cat should have tipped you off, and also the history of UFO with marzipan into little red riding hood was unlikely, but now I have confirmation of turning gold into the little creatures of up to six grams? Then the jeweler that you devalues \u200b\u200bthem and gives you a maximum of 20 €? Pure madness! But I'm smarter! First I have to remove my brother in law. Looking in my backpack I have an idea. I tell him, "Before we start let us make a pear." He is known addict, misunderstands and runs to the car to look for a spoon, syringes and so on, all objects that also potranno tornarmi utili. Ora devo stanare i puffi. Con l'asinello insceno un presepe vivente; i puffi, si sà, sono cattolicissimi (anche se 'sto villaggio popolato solo da maschi mi fa pensare che qualche eccezione la facciano) e si precipitano: chi vuol fare il bambinello, chi il pastore, molti la pecorella (mah...), fatto sta che in due minuti sono tutti riuniti. Scatta la trappola. Metto la pera, con conficcato il mio coltellino, al centro del bersaglio e insceno l'atterraggio di un disco volante. Con le mie doti da ventriloquo faccio parlare la pera, che dice di essere stata ferita e di aver bisogno d'aiuto. Il rosso del centro bersaglio fa molto sangue e questo rende la scena credibilissima.

I puffi non possono refrain from assisting a child of mother nature, are also talking a pear, so rush on the target, which I now flinch capturing. E 'fatta.Prendo from my pocket the small chemical kit that I carry with me always, knowing that the symbol is Au gold and blue is a primary color, I can easily distil a liquid rich in azzurino puffosità.All' arrival of my brother I say, pointing to the liquid: "Try this stuff, it's the end of the world, old man!". He did not do it again and starts to inject. Then use the cat to lure the kitten Birba Comma, who lives near there (as well as in the heart of all of us ...). Comma arrival of my brother in law has a temper tantrum, resulting in a discharge adrenaline, and this reacts with the good-natured puffosità turned into a golden statue.'m rich! I decide not to revise at home, as the relatives could stay a little 'banned; childbirth instead for the tropics with Miss IKEA, which combines the beauty of the convenience of being where you want (in this case in my cabin) and excellent cooking reindeer meatballs! (Contributed by Giovane_skywalker)