According to your intuition, but may also be one of those nice barn with 200 kilograms of fine dust and dandruff greedy man. "
A- So so so ... I am in a good situation at times, because I get paid for cazzofacere from morning till night, and sometimes very unpleasant, because the 'always be taken up by a multitude of cameras, which broadcast to all viewers my sharp wits to solve the problems, which could lead people to want to imitate, and threaten to overshadow my hunger for "self made an atomic bomb, too ...". Here then turning for home, choking my natural instinct, which is to invent something every day that modernization and more comfortable home, I am dismally to imitate the big brother of the beggars, and in turn begin to fornicate with 's Ubalda and the female voice of Jalisse. however, I get two sensational results. One is to arouse dopo la sana ed ovvia invidia, l' ammirazione di Poncharello, noto mandrillo da competizione. Però... è vero, manca ancora tanto alla chiusura del programma, e mi manca tantissimo il mio orsacchiotto, Gustavo, soprannominato dagli amici, Bisenzio, per via di quella vaga tendenza ad ubriacarsi con l' assenzio, e comincio a non sopportare il dovermi coricare sempre senza il suo profumo che mi ricorda l' infanzia e la mia mamma. Ed è allora così, che improvvisamente mi si forma chiaro in mente un piano per sostituirlo !
Sfruttando l' ormai stima di cui godo da tutti gli altri presenti nella casa, organizzo una bella spanzata a base di pasta che mi son portato da casa (132 Kg. per resistere all' eventuali famine). A dough is ready, use my tactical knowledge-theoretical and practical, to reduce in a saucepan, over low heat, a bit 'of pigeon droppings mixed with potato pile of' Ubaldo, fake nails with Bud and Terence, plus a fresh fava kindly offered by the production as a reward for my good heart, of sharing with others my food supplies, a sleeping pill anesthetic, which will pour into the pot of good Danny DeVito. And with the same ingredients, but a special technique of processing, a filter 's love to be placed in the pot of' Ubaldo. After the meal, the 'Ubalda excited by the filter, launches into a dancing half-naked in front of everyone, arousing the desires of the good Poncharello, who pounced on him again, starting fornicate in the eyes of all who are immediately distracted by the scene, that between the 'other' s Ubalda, it means taking a pigeon with one stone. At that moment, I approach DeVito, helpless and nulal responsive thanks to my preparation, and with a ball and chain, the port in the secret room that no one knows, no one has anything to say against it. At the end of the meal, I get the result of 'you are all happy with a full belly, happy because I all convionto that DeVito had fled for he felt homesick, so' s not having a competitor, el 'actor chains in the lean secret, which is the closest thing to Gustavo present in the house, I go every night to embrace Before 'going to sleep. Now that I solved the lack of "Bisenzio," nothing more can 'stop on my way to victory. Goulash goulash! (Contributed by Skhammy slightly modified)
Stalling singing some popular songs of the South Tyrol, while you take a nice hot shower, then prepared to escape thanks to some top secret knowledge obtained from the barcode on the box of donuts chocolate family (who always have with you ) and three abandoned objects in there to distract travelers: 5 cotton swabs, a pizza-sausage and peppers dentiera.
Well A-Well it is not a new situation reminds me of the Mexican prison from which they escaped by digging a tunnel with his teeth like beavers. Here even more than I could use. First, soak the cotton swab with the pizza and tell it to capture the typical redness of that pizza. Tingo dentures red and then generate a deafening noise with a kick to spin (Nobody calling football rotating!) On the wall, and place the rack dyed red lying near me. The guard thought to be dead, come in, and lie down with my move kansas-city (it's an old trick but still works!). Donuts in my bar code is nothing but the coordinates of the body to be pressed simultaneously soggiocare to hypnotize a person to his own will. I apply the technique to guard gets out of his other friends by surprise.
When finished, send the call from the foreman to tell him (bluffing, but he does not know) that I tampered with the explosive and jump will only his discharge. In fact I have only diminished the explosive power by putting a dent in the circuit (after having removed the decay, thanks to knowledge gained from videotapes of "exploring the human body") and fit with cotton fiocs remaining, sending half short-circuited. While the foreman contact us smanetta wrong and everything blows up in the air, exploding only lists and clear the drains but thanks to my nerf. Finished everything I say with feigned sadly the wife of the head (most beautiful girl for the record) who sacrificed himself to give her a better life, and asked me to perform that task. I offer as a tribute to the donuts and her famously luscious desserts of this type, falls in love and go away together.
And even this is done, the pizza, I'll keep me because I do not throw anything away, it might come in handy the next time. (Contributed by Fr3d3r! K)
B- So, while I let the 'water, I look at the little window, however, placed too high and with the usual side protection, not before that I had tied a donut under each foot, as usango tie the plastic packaging of each trick itself, to make a soft and quiet walking and not to understand the segregation that I'm moving to try to figure out how to escape. Unfortunately, filled donuts, just because it filled at every step fano rumore di sbrodolamento, molto simile ad una flatulenza posteriore, ed allora penso "perbacco, non ci avevo pensato, ora penseranno che ho problemi d' aerofagia", cosa che si rivela essere molto fortunata, perchè effettivamente i carcerieri, si allontanano un po' dallì ingresso, dandomi modo di muovermi con meno circospezione, nel caso faccia addirittura rumore. Getto un bombolone fuori dalla finestra, in attesa di un qualche animale che arrivi attirato dal profumo della golosità offerta. E non tarda ad arrivare sotto la finestra il solito cane affamato che gira tra i rifitui dell' autogrill, a prendere il dolcetto invitante. Io appena arrivato il quattrozampe, grazie ai miei studi in "linguistica animale, parlata e baciata", riesco a comunicare col cane, cui chiedo di raggruppare un gruppo di altri animali, di qualsiasi specie, spiegando di essere bloccato da bruti che vogliono farmi del male.
Quando il cane mi chiede cosa ci guadagna, rispondo che una specialità ancor più squisita del bombolone lo attende, lui e gli altri che riuscirà a portarmi, non appena sarò libero (vedasi pizza con salamino e peperoname). Il cane, ormai affamati e con lo stomaco aperto dal dolce, si mette subito all' opera, e recupera due cinciallegre, un lupo, due orsi grizzly (che casualmente abbondano intorno agli autogrill canadesi), e li convince a fare irruzione nel locale. Appena sento il trambusto esco, e mentre gli avventori fuggono tra grida generali, gli orsi hanno bloccato a terra i gorilla (pare na guerra tra bestie), il lupo finisce di mettere in fuga i dipendenti, e le cinciallegre stanno picchiettando orecchie e occhi dei malviventi, ridendo allegramente, appunto.Così libero d' agire, salto addosso ai due farabutti, li lego con le loro cinture uno con l' altro, e divido la pizza tra i miei aiutanti, contenti. Nel frattempo, dopo aver descarpato i due, inizio la tortura del solletico sotto i piedi, coi cotton-fiocc, per scoprire chi è il mandante dell' aggressione. Scoperto che è Mr. Didò, invidioso del mio fantastico prodotto, recupero la macchina, lasciando i miei nuovi amici di guardia, mentre mi allontano nel tramonto studiando un nuovo, ennesimo piano impossibile, to charge for the joke to Mr. Dido. (Contributed by Skhammy)
A-First I get rid of cat-in-law and saying that I have an attack of diarrhea explosive, and I'm going to get rid of the bush, but given the heavy Christmas Binge is better if you away x nn feel the smell ... So I go around the bushes of berries and position un'ingegnosissima puff-trap by digging a hole whose depth is eight inches on the ground, placed over the target, and as bait left on the ass of the manger ...
just hide behind the bushes that come the time zero curious little men ...
just arrived at the target, say, plastic on the donkey while Vanity salt x want to have a photo, the weight of small blue creatures will give the card of the target, so as to imprison them DEEP in the hole ...
Then I get out of the bushes to catch the Smurfs, using the basket that I had taken mushrooms xi .. At this point I headed to the mushroom-shaped houses, shouting loudly that I have seized all the Smurfs, and I want a ransom: the formula x transform living things into gold!
Papa Smurf, got a sense of responsibility, even to deliver his puffolini, comes out of his house, and I reveal the secret (A magic formula that secrecy can not write;)
Morale, just know the formula, x I take this opportunity to turn into gold all the smurfs, their houses and even the puff-berries on the bush ... then came the cat starts to meow Birba drawing attention ... "Poof!" he too turns to gold ... since I'm allergic to cat hair I could not resist ... + Collected all the gold in the basket, cover it with the target, so that my brother can not see it ... and going home with him, chatting of the + and - and why your cat has run away, but quiet that we find him safe at home ... here we go on the machine and transform it into pure gold with the famous incantation, after which descend into the city to one of those shops that buy gold now in cash, and sbologno smurfs, berries, mushrooms, and cat-in-law, but the negotiations do not go by my rules: transform also turns out that the seller of gold, and I have to x load in the car to go to another store "buy gold" ...
once you find a seller not stingy, I convert all the gold in grand sounding, step in the bank to pay them on my private account and I'm going home ... And to the question of my sister, "how did it go? Have taken something? " I say "Is your husband wanted to walk back the cat alone x try mushrooms ... I have not found, only a wild pear" and I celebrate the taste ... x (Contributed from Samuel and slightly modified)
B- I understand now that my brother is crazy! it is true, the question of talking cat should have tipped you off, and also the history of UFO with marzipan into little red riding hood was unlikely, but now I have confirmation of turning gold into the little creatures of up to six grams? Then the jeweler that you devalues \u200b\u200bthem and gives you a maximum of 20 €? Pure madness! But I'm smarter! First I have to remove my brother in law. Looking in my backpack I have an idea. I tell him, "Before we start let us make a pear." He is known addict, misunderstands and runs to the car to look for a spoon, syringes and so on, all objects that also potranno tornarmi utili. Ora devo stanare i puffi. Con l'asinello insceno un presepe vivente; i puffi, si sà, sono cattolicissimi (anche se 'sto villaggio popolato solo da maschi mi fa pensare che qualche eccezione la facciano) e si precipitano: chi vuol fare il bambinello, chi il pastore, molti la pecorella (mah...), fatto sta che in due minuti sono tutti riuniti. Scatta la trappola. Metto la pera, con conficcato il mio coltellino, al centro del bersaglio e insceno l'atterraggio di un disco volante. Con le mie doti da ventriloquo faccio parlare la pera, che dice di essere stata ferita e di aver bisogno d'aiuto. Il rosso del centro bersaglio fa molto sangue e questo rende la scena credibilissima.
I puffi non possono refrain from assisting a child of mother nature, are also talking a pear, so rush on the target, which I now flinch capturing. E 'fatta.Prendo from my pocket the small chemical kit that I carry with me always, knowing that the symbol is Au gold and blue is a primary color, I can easily distil a liquid rich in azzurino puffosità.All' arrival of my brother I say, pointing to the liquid: "Try this stuff, it's the end of the world, old man!". He did not do it again and starts to inject. Then use the cat to lure the kitten Birba Comma, who lives near there (as well as in the heart of all of us ...). Comma arrival of my brother in law has a temper tantrum, resulting in a discharge adrenaline, and this reacts with the good-natured puffosità turned into a golden statue.'m rich! I decide not to revise at home, as the relatives could stay a little 'banned; childbirth instead for the tropics with Miss IKEA, which combines the beauty of the convenience of being where you want (in this case in my cabin) and excellent cooking reindeer meatballs! (Contributed by Giovane_skywalker)